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  • Writer's pictureCaroline Barber

What it Feels Like

This week, there have been a lot of feelings flying around at my place. My family, all with snotty noses and high levels of needs and wants, some friends going through “stuff”, challenging new learning tasks, and some very vivid client work. It can be a lot.

Not to mention, the general chores involved in being a busy working mum and wife, and running our home with a degree of military precision.

As a Coach, I often listen to people tell me where they are at. What they would like to change, or conquer, and all the other sticky stuff that they balance alongside. We talk it all through, empty it all out until the client feels all of their words and feelings have left. This can be so cathartic. From then, we begin to rebuild, but maybe in a different, more peaceful or joyful way.

So for me, this week has a heavy feel to it. Which is unusual for me. Ordinarily, I keep my balance.

But rather than dwell and wallow, I have started picking it apart a little bit, emptying it out for myself. Really feeling the weight of each of the things. Almost holding each piece of it in my hand like a very heavy marble, golf ball or 12 kg bowling ball. That visual, aside from trying to physically imagine the weight; that has helped me. I realise that while these things feel heavy, and a bit cold, they are only small particles within the world. This enormous world.

So while they are big and heavy in relation to me, my size, my weight, in the scheme of the world, the earth, they are only small. It doesn’t take away from how these things make me feel, or feel to me, but it does help me with keeping some perspective.

And now, having emptied it all out on the table and the floor, I can see what I need to do. How I need to support myself, and what resources I need.

I need to keep moving my body everyday, I need to keep interacting and feeling of service to all of my wonderful clients, I need to have patience with my family, and most of all, I need to allow myself to feel these feelings. I need to allow myself space to grieve, and opportunities for prayer.

Maybe you need different things today. Be real with yourself. Make a list of what you NEED. Just for today. Tomorrow is likely to look quite different.

While I love looking at the bigger picture and making plans, sometimes I realise that each-day-at-a-time is right for me. There are no rules!

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